Funny enough, I used to not allow myself to do yoga often. I tried yoga for the first time in Kärdla, when I was a teenager and think I continued with it once every weekend for a while. In Denmark, I did it a few times at fitnessdk and during my internship in Sparta in Estonia, I did it twice a week for about 6 weeks. And then finally last year, I moved to Netherlands, discovered youtube yoga and never stopped again :D.
I remember that in the start it was very difficult for me to even tolerate yoga, because I found it so slow. It is very hard to resist the urge to hurry things up at yoga, even when I know that I have already taken this whatever time from 10-60 minutes to do it, it is still hard to "wait" trough it and all the time I had this like come on, what's the next exercise, let's move on, lets do it! - attitude. Therefore, needless to explain, I found that yoga causes more stress for me than it helps me. So I didn't do it much. But I think that at Sparta sportsclub was the first time when I actually started enjoying it. It was probably largely due to the fact that at the time I was really keeping track of my trainings and training so much, that yoga was easy to like, as it counted as training but was less hard for the body than internse weight training or running.
However, once I had discovered its niceness and started appreciating this easy-going pace and attitude, I noticed how I kept somehow keeping these thoughts and this spirit within me even when I wasn't currently at a yoga practice. And in my opinion, it made me really hippi and really chill and relaxed about everything, not worrying not stressing and I disliked it a lot, because I thought that if I keep being so woo-hoo chill hippi in my head, I will never get anything done. It seemed to me that in this mood I dont worry or stress enough to have my things done and taken care of, and that only people who run around all the time and work like crazy and then manage to squeeze some HIIT trainings etc in to their busy schedule, are the successful ones and the ones to be. Therefore, I had to watch out not to be too chill and therefore not to do yoga.
However, now just recently I was reading the earlier posts of this blog. It is hard not to notice, how all the earlier posts are about health and eating and training and goals and I was so actively dealing with my own fitness and the fitness of the society. I am really surprised that I didnt start posting pictures of my every meal at the time :D. (Do you remember the time when world was only just getting so social media filled and everyone was doing it on Fb? :D). Well, I wasn't quite doing that, but literally every post had to do with my workouts and eating and tips and tricks (besides the one post about what I think about marriage :D. good to know that I also had these things in my head early on).
However, when I think back, I dont remember myself being at all more fit than I am now. Rather, I was just thinking about it much more, but doing worse at it. It is interesting, because it seems that by now I have reached all the goals that I had then, and for which I was working so hard for, but I haven't noticed it myself. But to think about it, it might have been yoga what made the difference.
My whole fitness story goes like this:
When I first moved to Denmark was when I also stopped horse riding and noticed for the first time in my life that I am gainign weight uncontrollably. As I had also started studying Global Nutrtion and Health, I also felt like I ought to be more fit and in better shape. Yet I think that my aims were more to do with the visual side of it and not really the actual fitness. Anyway, I realized all the ways to manipulate your diet and energy expenditure, and ended up so tiny that I didn't even like myself (but then I moved to america and this obviously sorted the tininess problem out :D). After that I was really scared of getting so into weight loss again, because it was really bad experience being so tired and unhappy all the time and still pressing myself to exercise (i remember that the thing was that I could only eat as many calories as many I have used in training and therefore not these extra ca 1500kcal that the body needs just to function normally). So not wanting to do that again, I tried to "keep my head on" and stay in shape (i think still visual) with more normal means, but it was hard, becuase I still kept limiting myself so much, that then all other foods seemed really tempting and I had to fight all sortd of urges and when I couldnt, I ate so so much junk food (a'la while Im alredy at it) and then again had to eat less the following days, ate too little, which again made me eat too much soon after. Then, when I was doing my internship with Simon Strongman Stewart and the athletes of Team Denmark, I suddenly wanted to be really strong, and got the other way crazy, until I was squatting 100kg and looking like a huge girl with no neck or thigh-gap or whatever else is appreciated about nicely fit girls. Then, at some point I stopped strength training and lost 8kg without changing anything else and looked okay - not too big or not to small. Since then I have not really attempted to become the tiniest or the strongest woman on earth anymore and have taken it much more chill. Right now I am happy with my looks, my strength, my stamina, my eating habits - everything is fine, but I totally don't think about it.
So it is interesting to see from these posts how once i stopped thinking so much and trying so hard, I actually reached the goals I had back then.
I think that as one thing, it is definitely just learning. I don't think about or plan my trainings or diet anymore and dont know when was the last time I did that. Yet, I run, swim, yoga and do a bit of gym regularly and I eat healthy. I think that by planning my trainings and diet so much in the past, just eventually became a more automatic process and now I am just used to doing it anyway, so I can use my head to think of things other than that.
But I think that the second thing keeping me in good shape so that I don't even notice, is yoga itself.
Because I have learned to appreciate it so much, I really look forward to doing it. And it is nice to do it, because it is so slow. I really have time to notice my body and to do things slowly, with care and thought. It is challanging, but being so aware of your every move prevents doing too much. So I never get too tired from it. And I think that yoga has been the thing, which I don't even notice that I do, or which I dont really mentally consider as exercise, but what has made me strong.
And its influence on the mind, which I so noticed at the start, is actually very helpful in making one love and appreciate oneself, which in turn likely results in an improved diet. Really, I have become the best buddies with myself with the help of yoga, and could maintain that friendship even at the crazy times of the skin rash (Funny: The other day I saw someone I know but dont see regularly, and he went "Oh hi, your skin looks so much better" and I had even already forgotten that it ever used to happen that people greet me like that, cause I have been doing so well that all that seems forever ago). I think that as yoga makes you so aware of your feelings, thoughts and body, then it increases also the awareness about the effect of our dietary choices. I believe, that at least for me, nice healthy meals feel much more filling and satisfying than some maybe seemingly more tempting choices like pizza, chips, sandwiches etc, which make me feel so heavy in my stomach and after that ends, I am hungry again. I think that it might also be therefore, that I just know that I want to eat simple healthy meals, which then in turn also makes them tempting. When I think of for example pizza, I instead already feel the heaviness in my stomach and dont see it as a really tempting food.
And finally, yoga's influence on the mind in general, which I disliked and why I didn't allow myself to do too much, might be good in my opinion afterall. I mean..I think that I have grown a bit and readjusted or realized my values. I think that my idea of the person to be used to be someone who is very productive and does a lot of things and is always kind of running around from one thing to another, and success = how many tasks you can fit in your day. Somehow like succeeding on as many roles a day as possible is the main task of a person. But by now, I have started to see that for me, actually, this does not seem to be the point anymore. Nowadays I think that it is just important to make sure that you are happy and satisfied with yourself and with your life. That it is important to think about oneself and take care of one self. And then, because you feel happy and satisfied with yourself, you just can more easily be productive and efficient and happy at your job and with your family and firends. So the two different value systems are very much similar, but just in the beginning I thought that these tasks are the goal in itself. Now I think that the underlying factor of being good at these tasks, is keeping yourself happy and satisfied and then, these tasks become easy. And also, that it is not about the quantity of things which you do per day, but about the quality and their value for yourself. Maybe, most of the things for which I kept trying (exercising, but also just the "duties" whihc I thought that I have every day), weren't really something I truly value, but what I just included, becuase I thought one is meant to have a very busy life). For example, I thought that being a good friend is very important (no worries, I still do :D), but as I knew so many people and wanted to be good friend for all of them, I felt like I constantly have to hurry to do my things (school and work and training) so I would have time to meet them or chat with them etc. However, by now I have realized that many of the people were actually not my friends as such as all, and were just a crowd with who we always met to spend time and chill, but I felt satisfaction from that because I felt like I am being a good friend, and not because I actually gained something from the experience. I have realized that I would have been just as well off by taking time for the things like studying, and I would have benefitted from it much more in my future. Not that I feel stupid now or like I didnt make enough effort, cause I still did, I just didnt sleep very much, but that I could have saved myself a lot of stress, if I had only realized that it is not about the quantity of things, but just about myself, how I feel, and what I actually consider valuable).
But then again, I am not sorry at all that I did all these things, becuase how else would I ever had learned all these things. And I also want to note that I did have and still have many very good friends with who I chill, too. But just that maybe not all of these people in my social circles and all these events were so necessary or useful.
So all in all I think that over the years, I have calmed down a lot. I have realized, what are the real values for my self, and what are not. And possibly become a bit more selfish. I now feel that by taking time to sit, read, study and reasearch whatever interests me, gives me much more, for my whole life, and that not going to social events is not necessarily lame, becuase actually many of them are similar and the whole thing becomes a bit repetative. Fair enough, if I've gone I could have made 5 persons laugh and improve their day, but it is just not as valuable for myself as staying home and reading about what interests me. and these 5 people are at a party and want to be there, so they will most likely laugh anyway. More generally, I think that I have just figured the value of everything out better for myself - some people are so dear to me that for them I would do whatever whenever, but in order to do that I have to also take care of myself and fulfill my needs of knowledge and physical activity and mind peace, and remember not to stress about values which I have only taken over from the society, but which are not actually mine. We are plenty of people in the world and if I fulfill my own values and everyone else do their own, I am sure that all the things which seemed to be valued will continue, and partying won't stop just because I stop going, so I will not make anyone sad with choosing myself first.
And yoga kind of helps me to connect with myself and figure out my values, while also being a value for me and keeping me healthy and happy. And even if I have just imagined all that for myself and it doesn't do any of it, then maybe it is just that it makes me so bored that I have all the time to think of these things and figure things out. I dont think so and dont feel bored, but whatever it is, at least it works :).
..oooor is it Wageningen that makes me to take my time and chill and study? :D As it is exam period of period 1 right now and therefore a year since I took my first exams here, it'd also be a suitable time to write a post about how's that been. But I will see if I will value writing it over all my other interests :D. I think I will ;). And also, why I haven't written is becuase I have so many thoughts that it is hard to pick of which one to write, but I will try over time to get these thoughts down here too, because they are so interesting that I wish that I would remember them also years from now (gotta love having a blog :)).
If you now got excited to also chill down and become a woo-hoo hippie calm person, then I never stop recommending youtube yoga with Adriene. But for any other goal i recommend her too :). Or if she's too girly and bubbly, then there is also Tim, who is a strong, hairy and often topless man (for me he is a bit too...manly :D, but yogi's choice ;)).
All ze bezzzt to all of you to this long dark end of autumn, let your inner self shine so brigth that all seems brigth and happy and enjoy and be happy and healthy and smile and relax, ye yee.
(Tsorry, started going funny. Maybe I actually should get out more :D)
Anyway,
All the best,
Kirsi.
But I think that the second thing keeping me in good shape so that I don't even notice, is yoga itself.
Because I have learned to appreciate it so much, I really look forward to doing it. And it is nice to do it, because it is so slow. I really have time to notice my body and to do things slowly, with care and thought. It is challanging, but being so aware of your every move prevents doing too much. So I never get too tired from it. And I think that yoga has been the thing, which I don't even notice that I do, or which I dont really mentally consider as exercise, but what has made me strong.
And its influence on the mind, which I so noticed at the start, is actually very helpful in making one love and appreciate oneself, which in turn likely results in an improved diet. Really, I have become the best buddies with myself with the help of yoga, and could maintain that friendship even at the crazy times of the skin rash (Funny: The other day I saw someone I know but dont see regularly, and he went "Oh hi, your skin looks so much better" and I had even already forgotten that it ever used to happen that people greet me like that, cause I have been doing so well that all that seems forever ago). I think that as yoga makes you so aware of your feelings, thoughts and body, then it increases also the awareness about the effect of our dietary choices. I believe, that at least for me, nice healthy meals feel much more filling and satisfying than some maybe seemingly more tempting choices like pizza, chips, sandwiches etc, which make me feel so heavy in my stomach and after that ends, I am hungry again. I think that it might also be therefore, that I just know that I want to eat simple healthy meals, which then in turn also makes them tempting. When I think of for example pizza, I instead already feel the heaviness in my stomach and dont see it as a really tempting food.
And finally, yoga's influence on the mind in general, which I disliked and why I didn't allow myself to do too much, might be good in my opinion afterall. I mean..I think that I have grown a bit and readjusted or realized my values. I think that my idea of the person to be used to be someone who is very productive and does a lot of things and is always kind of running around from one thing to another, and success = how many tasks you can fit in your day. Somehow like succeeding on as many roles a day as possible is the main task of a person. But by now, I have started to see that for me, actually, this does not seem to be the point anymore. Nowadays I think that it is just important to make sure that you are happy and satisfied with yourself and with your life. That it is important to think about oneself and take care of one self. And then, because you feel happy and satisfied with yourself, you just can more easily be productive and efficient and happy at your job and with your family and firends. So the two different value systems are very much similar, but just in the beginning I thought that these tasks are the goal in itself. Now I think that the underlying factor of being good at these tasks, is keeping yourself happy and satisfied and then, these tasks become easy. And also, that it is not about the quantity of things which you do per day, but about the quality and their value for yourself. Maybe, most of the things for which I kept trying (exercising, but also just the "duties" whihc I thought that I have every day), weren't really something I truly value, but what I just included, becuase I thought one is meant to have a very busy life). For example, I thought that being a good friend is very important (no worries, I still do :D), but as I knew so many people and wanted to be good friend for all of them, I felt like I constantly have to hurry to do my things (school and work and training) so I would have time to meet them or chat with them etc. However, by now I have realized that many of the people were actually not my friends as such as all, and were just a crowd with who we always met to spend time and chill, but I felt satisfaction from that because I felt like I am being a good friend, and not because I actually gained something from the experience. I have realized that I would have been just as well off by taking time for the things like studying, and I would have benefitted from it much more in my future. Not that I feel stupid now or like I didnt make enough effort, cause I still did, I just didnt sleep very much, but that I could have saved myself a lot of stress, if I had only realized that it is not about the quantity of things, but just about myself, how I feel, and what I actually consider valuable).
But then again, I am not sorry at all that I did all these things, becuase how else would I ever had learned all these things. And I also want to note that I did have and still have many very good friends with who I chill, too. But just that maybe not all of these people in my social circles and all these events were so necessary or useful.
So all in all I think that over the years, I have calmed down a lot. I have realized, what are the real values for my self, and what are not. And possibly become a bit more selfish. I now feel that by taking time to sit, read, study and reasearch whatever interests me, gives me much more, for my whole life, and that not going to social events is not necessarily lame, becuase actually many of them are similar and the whole thing becomes a bit repetative. Fair enough, if I've gone I could have made 5 persons laugh and improve their day, but it is just not as valuable for myself as staying home and reading about what interests me. and these 5 people are at a party and want to be there, so they will most likely laugh anyway. More generally, I think that I have just figured the value of everything out better for myself - some people are so dear to me that for them I would do whatever whenever, but in order to do that I have to also take care of myself and fulfill my needs of knowledge and physical activity and mind peace, and remember not to stress about values which I have only taken over from the society, but which are not actually mine. We are plenty of people in the world and if I fulfill my own values and everyone else do their own, I am sure that all the things which seemed to be valued will continue, and partying won't stop just because I stop going, so I will not make anyone sad with choosing myself first.
And yoga kind of helps me to connect with myself and figure out my values, while also being a value for me and keeping me healthy and happy. And even if I have just imagined all that for myself and it doesn't do any of it, then maybe it is just that it makes me so bored that I have all the time to think of these things and figure things out. I dont think so and dont feel bored, but whatever it is, at least it works :).
..oooor is it Wageningen that makes me to take my time and chill and study? :D As it is exam period of period 1 right now and therefore a year since I took my first exams here, it'd also be a suitable time to write a post about how's that been. But I will see if I will value writing it over all my other interests :D. I think I will ;). And also, why I haven't written is becuase I have so many thoughts that it is hard to pick of which one to write, but I will try over time to get these thoughts down here too, because they are so interesting that I wish that I would remember them also years from now (gotta love having a blog :)).
If you now got excited to also chill down and become a woo-hoo hippie calm person, then I never stop recommending youtube yoga with Adriene. But for any other goal i recommend her too :). Or if she's too girly and bubbly, then there is also Tim, who is a strong, hairy and often topless man (for me he is a bit too...manly :D, but yogi's choice ;)).
All ze bezzzt to all of you to this long dark end of autumn, let your inner self shine so brigth that all seems brigth and happy and enjoy and be happy and healthy and smile and relax, ye yee.
(Tsorry, started going funny. Maybe I actually should get out more :D)
Anyway,
All the best,
Kirsi.
